The self evident truth of weight loss

I’m sorry. I really am.  That horrible thing everyone has been saying forever is true. If you want to lose weight you have to sustainably and consistently create a calorie deficit.  I’ll give you a moment of silence to mourn..

The experiment with the 3 day deal was predictably a complete and utter failure. I came home from my 4th weekend up a pound from my original weight (which would have happened no matter what because I spent the whole of the holiday weekend shoving food in my face.. but still..) I am convinced that any time you actively deprive yourself of a food or group of foods, you are setting yourself up for one hell of a binge later on down the road.  As they say “Everything in moderation, including moderation.”

Things that actually do help

Of course, will power is the best thing you can possibly hope to have, but, if you are anything like me and are completely and utterly useless in that department, here are three things that I found  that really help.

1. Calorie counters/ diet trackers

The absolute best innovation to weight loss/ diet alteration are the many free calorie tracking apps/ sites that are available.  Most (if not all) offer some kind of premium membership for a fee.  As long as the app has accurate calorie values and you are able to log EVERYTHING that goes in your face, there is really no need to upgrade to any kind of paid membership.

I have personally used Lose It! and My Fitness Pal. I used lose it the most in the past, but have recently become frustrated with conflicting or down right incorrect calorie data, a lot of food options that are unavailable, meaning you have to go through a couple of the same item before you are able to actually select and log, and many of the “checked” foods are even inaccurate. I am now back to using my fitness pal and am very pleased so far. I have also heard good things about Fat Secret. There are many others out there, and if you find another really great one, please share it in the comments.

2. A food scale

If you’re going to be logging your food, you’re going to need to know how much to log. Measuring your food by weight is the very best way to do this. (You should see how much pasta I can pack into a 1 cup measurer… it’s insane.)   At first it is a pain in the ass to pop everything on the scale, but after a while it becomes second nature.  I actually just put my plate on the scale and tare it for each item I will be eating, or I build food like sandwiches/salads etc. right on there.

After having a couple, I personally like the more compact digital models that go to a tenth of an ounce.  I have never had an expensive or super fancy food scale, and I really fail to see why on earth it would be necessary for this purpose. I currently have this scale and I love it.

3. Comfortable shoes

Oh fuuuuckkkk. I know. I know. I’m right there with you, but in order to consistently create a deficit we actually have to exercise more. Just go for a walk.. it’ll be nice.

 

 

 

3 Day Military Diet

In searching through old pins, I discovered this diet that lasts for stints of 3 days at a time, claiming that weight loss of up to 10 pounds per round is possible. As someone who has successfully lost large amounts of weight prior to and after my pregnancies, this seems outlandish at best. However, it’s only three days and is worth a try right? First impressions after reviewing the “diet”:

1. This is not healthy. It is not well rounded nutritionally and puts you at around 1000 calories a day. That said I expect that yes, a good amount of weight can be lost with such minimal intake.

2. Exercise will probably be insanely difficult during the three days, but the disclaimer is made that real exercise should be reserved for the 4 off days between rounds.

3. The “diet” claims the foods boost metabolism, but I feel that rather than boosting metabolism it functions more as a sort of fasting tool, with a stomach shrinking/ appetite retraining effect.

4. Lastly, I will not be in the least bit surprised if every pound and then some is gained during the off days even with a good amount of restraint towards intake source and amounts.

What is this diet?

The diet is a very strict meal plan for 3 days. The foods are not super foods at all, and are in fact extremely cheap (the fact that you need so little food is also a plus as far as frugality rates).  The foods are actually pretty unappealing to me – hard boiled eggs, plain tuna etc. but I figure I can hack three days of just about anything – afterall, I have spent three days of my life in labor and look how wonderful that turned out! Exercise is encouraged during the three days in the form of intentional movement, but challenging workouts are to be reserved for the days following the meal plan.

Day 0

Today is the day before my start tomorrow. I have shopped for all of the food I will need and have copied the eating plan along with other helpful tips (a slice of cheese is actually 2 ounces in this plan) along with a little chart to record my start and finish measurements and weight onto a notebook page that I have put on my fridge.  I have eaten the traditional pre-hell diet brownie and am dreading tomorrow.  Maybe I ought to slug down a beer or two to calm my nerves about the situation….

Day 1

6:30

Woke up dreading eating canned tuna today – almost didn’t get out of bed.

8:0020160629_082253

Choked down half of grapefruit, am grateful for it’s assistance in getting down the copious amount of peanut butter that has me smacking away like a dog. Had to drink more than the recommended amount of coffee or would die.. or possibly kill family – its a 50/50.

10:00

I exercised with babelette sitting and jumping on me. Want snack. Had to kick older children outside to curb my insanity.

20160629_12234212:00

Was so ready for lunch I thought eating the tuna would be easy. WRONGO! Ever chew and chew and chew something but find yourself unable to swallow and end your own misery? That’s what a can of tuna on a piece of toast is. The deed is done with a little help from the dog and babelette (maybe she’s not mine?)  My hands and mouth need to be purified.

 

4:00

Went for a bike ride with all 3 creatures to the park and am completely wiped out. Not sure if it’s because I’m fat and out of shape in hot weather, or fat and suffering from short term malnutrition.

20160629_1758226:00

Etta James is singing “At Last” all through my brain.  I am swapping 6 oz greek vanilla yogurt for the ice cream because if I had ice cream in my house and it passed my lips I would go hog freaking wild. Dinner is actually huge. I seasoned my chicken with just salt and pepper.

Day 220160630_081137

Down 3.4 lbs. Not any hungrier than I normally would be in the morning.  I’m cheating with my coffee again because there’s just no freaking way.  I will think about easing up on it today – key word here is think.

20160630_12101612:00

Nothing that I’m particularly averse to eating for lunch, but even as someone who is fine with white creamy foods (we all know someone who gets extremely grossed out by these I think) this is really an odd and unappealing plate. Maybe sensory deprivation is supposed to serve as an appetite suppressant?

 

3:00

Cheated and ate 3 saltines – you don’t say no whan a baby feeds you.  You just don’t.

5:3020160630_173625

Dinner at last. Enraged at my children I’m so jealous – damned little ingrates.

  • Babelette (who I am desperately trying to wean) was up all night screaming from this damned raw broccoli.

 

Day 3

Down another 1.2 lbs (4.6 total from start) this morning and 1 inch lost everywhere. Not very hungry, but breakfast was fine despite being weird. Coffee is a must.  Thing 1 read plan on fridge and commented “None of these foods go together. Why are you doing this?!”

6:30

Very busy day getting ready for last minute 4th weekend plans. I was good through lunch. Went to Costco with all 3 of my children (really that should be the end of this entire post..) Ate cookie in car while waiting in line for gas to recouperate from my trauma. Needed another after arriving home 45 minutes later. After storing the Costco shopping, I had to brave the “real” grocery store with the three manic imps. Bought a deli fried chicken meal with the intent of giving it to children and still having my planned meal of chicken, yougurt and banana half (no fucking way could I do 2 cans of tuna). In the car on the way home, eyes barely above the wheel (I was 5’7″ the last time I was measured), I realized that the slumped over shoulders on once statuesque women have nothing to do with a decline in  bone density.  The condition is in fact the manifestation of their shattered spirits and broken minds after over exposure to children.  Fuck this. I’m eating the fried chicken.

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